
subject	보릿고개는 왜 그리도 가팔랐지요

어머니 그때는 진정 몰랐습니다.
　힘든 서울 생활에서 명절이 되면 시골 가는 일이 큰 걱정이었습니다.
　차표를 구하느라 역 광장에서 밤을 새웠다는 옆집 이야기도 그렇지만 무엇보다 선물 꾸러미 살 일이 무거운 짐이었습니다.
　거래처에 수금할 일이 남아서 못 갈 형편일 때도 있었습니다. 그때마다 고향에 계신 어머니께 전화를 드렸습니다.
　차표를 구하지 못해 고향에 갈 수 없다는 변명과 함께요.
　"그래 일이 바쁘면 못 오지， 하던 일이나 부지런히 잘 해라"고 하셨습니다.
고향에 내려갔던 동생이， 밤새껏 대문 밖으로 눈길을 주시며 왔다갔다 하시고， 그러다 또 문밖을 기웃거리며 혹 못 온다던 아들이 올까봐 기다리셨다는 어머니의 이야기를 전해 주어 얼마나 죄송스러웠는지 모릅니다.
　어머니날에도 바쁘니 오지 말라고 하셨지만， 눈물 글썽이실 어머님의 모습이 눈앞에 어른거렸습니다. 어머니 마음을 그때는 정말 몰랐습니다.
　그래 괜찮다. 아무 걱정하지 마라. 문안 전화를 드릴 때마다 어머니는 늘 그렇게만 하셨습니다. 몸이 불편하셔도"그래 괜찮다." 식사를 못 하셔도 여전히 "그래 괜찮다"하시지 않으셨습니까?
　춘궁기의 보릿고개는 왜 그리도 가팔랐지요.
　가을걷이가 끝나고 곡간 한 켠을 지키던 양식이 다 떨어지는 5월이면 보리 수확을 앞두고 끼니를 짓지 못하던 궁핍했던 시절이 있었지요.
　세계의 최빈국이라는 오명은 60년대까지 계속되었고 끼니를 굶는 집이 많았지만 그래도 우리 가정은 끼니 걱정은 하지 않았습니다.
　꽁보리밥이 싫어서 밥투정하던 때를 생각하면 얼마나 죄스러운지， 지금은 그 꽁보리밥을 건강식이라며 일부러 멀리 찾아다닙니다. 철부지 그 시절을 후회하면서도 그리워합니다.
　저녁 한 끼는 자주 칼국수를 만들어주셨던 어머니， 지금 그 국수 맛이 가슴이 저리도록 그립습니다.
　이제 저도 인생의 반환점을 돌았습니다. 자식들을 키우며 애태웠던 그 일들이 뇌리를 스칠 때마다 어머니， 어머니 하고 불러봅니다.
　대답은 듣지 못하지만 그래도 용서받은 듯 이 아들은 한없는 위안을 느낍니다.
　어머니는 농사법의 위대한 선구자이셨습니다. 모래땅 800평을 아버지가 사서 수박， 참외농사를 시도했지만 실패하셨고， 다음 해 어머니는 그 불모지 에 우엉을 심었습니다.
　우엉은 어머니의 정성과 피땀으로 잘 자라주었습니다. 다 자란 우엉은 매일 이른 새벽에 캤지요. 상주읍의 기관장과 부잣집을 찾아다니며 소비자와 직거래를 하셨던 일을 저는 생생히 기억합니다.
　1960년대의 일이었으니 어머니의 선견지명은 국가가 시도했던 새마을 운동보다， 또 요즈음 한창 부르짖는 농촌 고소득 사업보다 몇 십 년을 앞선 지혜로움이었습니다.
　어머니!
　어머니인들 어찌 실컷 주무시고 싶지 않으셨겠습니까?
　감기는 눈을 비비며 새벽 우엉밭으로 나가시던 그 무거운 발걸음을 그때 저는 보았습니다.
　여유 있는 집을 찾아가서 우엉의 좋은 점을 설명하고 사주기를 간청하셨던 그 절박한 모습， 장사라곤 해본 일이 없고， 남에게 아쉬운 부탁이라고는 해본 일이 없으셨던 어머니.
　새벽녘 집집을 찾아다니며 우엉을 팔고 나올 때쯤 얼굴을 붉히며 부끄러워하던 모습을 저는 잊을 수가 없습니다. 밖으로 내색하지는 않았지만 자식들을 위해서， 큰아들 학자금 마련을 위해서 그렇게 하신 일이기에 지금 이렇게 가슴이 메입니다.
　밭에서 갓 캐낸 물기 머금은 우엉을 머리에 이고 어깨에 짊어지고 한 달음에 시오리 길을 달려가시던 연약한 어머니. 그렇게도 힘겹게 자식 위해 고생을 감내하신 어머니는 이제 그만큼 허리가 구부러지셨습니다.
　어머니， 그 은혜를 어찌해야 보답할 수 있겠습니까?
　다만 이 아들이 엎드려 마음의 꽃목걸이를 걸어 드리려합니다.
저는 언제나 동생들에게 우리 아버지는 성인이고 어머니는 대장부라고 말해왔습니다.
　화장 한 번 못하셨던 어머니， 쌍가락지 한 벌 챙기지 못하셨던 어머니. 지금은 화려한 꽃들이 많지만 꽃도 귀하던 그 시절 이 아들은 감나무 밑에서 감꽃을 모아 꽃목걸이를 만들었습니다. 너무 초라한 그것을 차마 어머니 목에 걸어드리지 못하고 여동생 목에 걸어 주었던 일이 기억납니다.
　그날의 생각이 떠오를 때마다 작은 금목걸이 진주목걸이 하나 해 드리지 못한 죄스러움에 가슴이 메어옵니다.
어머니 아시지요? 감꽃으로 목걸이를 만들어 드리려고 했던 이 아들의 마음을. 세상의 좋은 꽃 다 모아 꽃목걸이를 만들어 어머니 목에 걸어 드리고 싶습니다.
　그러나 감꽃 시절의 그 순박한 어머니 사랑은 못 담을 것 같습니다.
　어머니의 자식사랑을 어떻게 몇 줄의 글로 표현 할 수 있겠습니까? 필요하신 것을 사서 보내면 "그래 에미는 괜찮다. 적은 돈이라도 아껴서 필요할 때 쓰고 남에게 돈 꾸러 다니지는 말아라. 나한테는 뭐 사 보낼 생각은 하지 않아도 된다."고만 하셨지요.
기다려주지 않는 세월이 한없이 원망스럽습니다.
　어머니.
　오래 오래 건강하세요.
　좋은 것 사달라고 떼라도 써주십시오. 　아들은 그 말씀이 듣고 싶습니다.

사진·글 이종기
(시조시인)
봉화 오가피 농장에서

6호 (2005.4.25)

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